I do not. But one of the benefits of maturity is that I don’t feel bad about that anymore.
In the final analysis, I’m just a little too ruthless to work with almost everyone else. Someone says something about a deadline, someone says something about an objective, and I start doing this thing most other people find weird: planning. But, it turns out, other people like to talk more and explore options. Which is fine, except that people seem to want to do more of that as that deadline approaches and more planning still needs to be done. And I suspect that much of the world is utterly sanguine about that, but it fills me with panic about last minute adjustments and having to put off the rest of my life in order to make something work.
Well, as of May, I’m done with all of that.
I do a little visualization exercise in the mornings, and I realized a few days ago that I put myself in group settings where I haven’t felt comfortable before. This may be my fantasy – visualizations are sometimes just that – that I’ll be able to feel like I belong in those places, but lately I don’t like that fantasy. I’m now starting to picture myself alone in settings where I’ve enjoyed myself, or with people I know I feel good with (aka family and friends). And that feels like something I can make a reality.