A long day filled with wonders (Day 72)

I accompany my son to his college--for his very last class--on Tuesdays. It's on the other side of Boston, but in The Before Times, this wasn't such a bad trip. Now it's pretty nauseating.

He has to be there early, so we have to leave even earlier. This is fine, usually--I'm a morning person--but less so when I'm woken up at 2:30 AM. By my son. (On the plus side, I now know why I've been waking up relatively consistently at 2:30 AM for the past few nights.) Usually I can fall back asleep after an hour, but of course that was not so easily done when I needed to wake up at 6.

By some miracle, we were not only able to get to the train and his school on time, but I was also able to pack myself food so I wouldn't have to pay a ransom for sustenance later. I was even able to take my usual sort of long walk back and forth. Yay me.

All was well until about an hour before his class ended. Then I felt it. By the time my son and I were on the train home, we were both nodding off, and he was using me as a pillow. It was okay; it helped stabilize me so I didn't fall over. 

Needless to say, we both dropped to our respective beds as soon as we got home. I got in a nap for about ninety minutes--this is the most wondrous of all of today's events, because I'm almost never able to nap--before I woke up and thought I should get some water for my headache.

I was actually able to meet my transcription goals--I goosed myself one hundred words at a time, which might be something I do when I'm a little more awake as well--but now I am ready to entertain thoughts of rest again. 

I'm so grateful that he only has class once a week this semester. I'm even more grateful that he'll be going to a much closer school in the fall.

Deb in the City

The dead of night, thanks to allergies (Day 51)

The worst thing about not getting as much sleep as other people (at least in my home) is having to lie in bed awake for so long before I can turn on the light. I've learned through many early morning hours that, for the most part, the thoughts I have at those times are not thoughts that I should take seriously. I have no idea what the science says about it, but I imagine my thinks it should still be sleeping, and therefore processes thoughts at a level that isn't entirely rational. Because I am, actually, awake, those thoughts tend to look like the worst possible version of my fears and insecurities. Perhaps the lesson of the long, dark nights of our souls isn't that we have to unlock anything, we just have to get through it.

It is far, far better when I can do something as opposed to lying in bed, staring into the dark, waiting for sleep to return, which it almost never does. I do try to make use of my phone during those times, but that concentrated bright light doesn't help much when the rest of the room is dark, and I feel my already weak eyes straining that much more. I have been going into the kitchen once it hits 6 AM--that's a decent time to move around--but I think I'm going to have to start at 5:30 AM. 

Last night saw me wake up around 3 AM, in large part because I wasn't able to work out yesterday due to my allergies. 3 AM is not the worst--it's 2 or 2:30 that makes me feel like I want to fly into the stratosphere. But usually if I can fall asleep around 9 or 9:30 PM, I can stay in bed until around 4 or 4:30 AM. (The night before I slept until 6:30 AM, which was amazing until I realized that it was because of Daylight Savings--but 5:30 isn't bad either.) I have, of course, tried to stay up later in the hopes of waking up later, but staying up until 10:30 PM doesn't buy me later sleep but less sleep--go figure. 

Clearly, I need to make sure I work out, which is why I'm pretty religious about it. But then I need to avoid eating foods that trigger any reactions, and that is harder to control as my reactions are getting a little more serious. Is this why so many people go on vegetable only diets?

Deb in the City

Alternative universes are overrated (Day 20)

My husband and I finished The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin last night. He lived in NYC longer than I did, so his feelings are a little different,  but I loved it. It read like a love letter to cities, period. It also drew on the idea of alternate universes, which is maybe why they're on the brain now.

There is an alternate universe, for example, in which I got enough sleep last night, and because of that I can take one of my signature long walks. I'm also able to make good choices, in that other reality, in which I stay away from tea because it ends up bothering my stomach, instead of gravitating toward it because of the caffeine. 

Sounds like a nice place, at least for today. But in that alternate reality, I wasn't the person not one but two young adult children wanted to call when they were concerned or upset, in the middle of the night. Yes, maybe I do sleep better there, but I suspect I'm not as much of a source of comfort.

So I'll take it here, sip some tea, maybe be able to power through a walk after all, and check in on my children. It's not so bad here.

Deb in the City