Makeup, MENA and Sex

Last week, as I was getting one of my children ready for her day, I heard this story on NPR about Cosmopolitan, aka Cosmo magazine. A couple of thoughts.

First, a rousing cheer for Joanna Coles' central message that women can be interested in both "mascara and the Middle East". Damn it, yes we can, and this writer certainly is (well, not mascara, because it always gets in my eyes, but no one loves red lipstick more than I do). I realize that some people may think I take chances because what I talk about on my Twitter feed is more about current events than writing tips, but I'm making a very conservative bet that there are plenty of women out there who like to read romance and women's fiction who also care passionately about politics, both domestic and international. I have never understood why being interested in clothing and cosmetics was supposed to preclude an interest in the rest of the world.

Second, while I applaud Coles' mission, it's a mistake to characterize the Cosmo of years past as being strictly concerned with sex. (I read my first sex graphic sex descriptions in Our Bodies Ourselves and then Princess Daisy.) Yes, I read explicit things in Cosmo, but I also read about women trying to navigate their way through the workplace, Camille Paglia, the importance of managing money and profiles of up-and-coming women (and no, they weren't all models). Among the articles about sex wasn't just (an admittedly weird) piece about oral sex in the age of HIV/AIDS, but also sexual harassment, sexual violence and sex addiction. None of it, I might add, was glamorized.

Helen Gurley Brown, founder of Cosmopolitan

Finally, it's great that we live in a world where we can take for granted being sexual as a given, but when the modern version of Cosmo was birthed, that wasn't a given. Our sexual expression, but in private and in public, was more tightly circumscribed. In other words, there were far fewer ways to do it "right" (and not simply in the court of public opinion). And many can argue that even today talking about sex and being in control of our sexuality is still something many begrudge young women (see Purity Pledges). So while Cosmo may be snickered at for talking about sex (what's that about, really?), it's still quietly revolutionary that they do so.

So women (and the men among you so inclined), go forth, be a badass, talk about sex, cosmetics and politics and then go vote. In other words, be a real person- that's still revolutionary.

Butterflies Wake by Arlene Lagos (Book Blast)

Title:  Butterflies Wake

Author:   Arlene Lagos  
Published:  June 24th, 2014
Word Count:  51,000  
Genre:  Women’s Fiction
Recommended Age:  13+

Synopsis:

An underground female mafia rights the wrongs of an unjust society in this gripping story of everyday women taking matters into their own hands where the justice system has failed. For many years they have worked quietly and gone unnoticed by the world in which they live, until one of them goes missing. The wrong people start asking questions and before they know it, they are in danger of being exposed. How will they save one of their own without putting their organization in danger? Will they be able to remain a secret?

Smashwords | GoodReads

 Excerpt:

“Fairytales always start with once upon a time and end with happily ever after. Somewhere in the middle there's a prince, an evil queen and a distressed maiden, a victim of her own beauty. Gallantly, the prince rides in, saving his true love, proving his manhood and once again restoring balance to the universe. My fairytale was not like that at all. Let’s take for example my ex-husband Ron. In my fairy tale, Ron was no prince. Don’t get me wrong; I truly believe he started off with good intentions. But, then he lost his job and started drinking, and I became his personal punching bag. After the third miscarriage I was told I could never have children. At that point, I really didn't care if I died. But, on one particular evening back in 1977, something happened that would change my life forever. I came home from the grocery store to find Ron sitting on the front steps of our house with his usual can of beer suctioned to his left hand as if it were an extension of his fingers. I could tell he had been drinking all day and was itching for a fight, so I didn’t even bother asking for help with the groceries. I still had to walk up the steps and past him to get to the front door. I prayed he didn’t attack me until I had at least put the food away. I walked at a slow pace, avoiding eye contact and carefully slinked passed him hoping not to hit the back of him with the screen door as I squeezed through. I made it into the kitchen and managed to at least put away the frozen food, eggs and milk before he threw the first punch. When it was finally over, I was lying on my back on the front lawn, covered in blood. I thought for sure I would be dead any minute, judging from the amount of blood pouring out of my nose and the severity of the pain coursing through my body. But then something happened. I saw out of the corner of my eye a little boy, Patrick, standing in the street staring at Ron as he sat on the front steps drinking his beer and watching me die. Patrick lived in our neighborhood. He stood there holding his baseball glove and ball and just stared at Ron for almost two whole minutes. I wanted to scream for him to run away but no sound would come out of my mouth. Then, as if he heard my thoughts, he turned and ran as fast as he could towards his house. I was happy he was safe, I didn’t want Ron to hurt him and I didn’t want that poor boy to be the witness to my death. I blacked out again for a while and waited for death to take me. But it never came. Instead, two women from the neighborhood came running towards me and picked me up off the front lawn. I don’t recall much at the time but I do remember some words being exchanged between Priscilla and Ron. I didn’t know Priscilla that well, other than that she was a nurse at the local hospital and that she was Patrick’s mother. He must have run to her for help. I feared Ron might hurt them too, but I couldn’t speak or move. I was a ragdoll, lifeless in their arms as they carried me back to their house. That was the last time I ever saw Ron. I don’t know what happened and I didn’t ask questions. I was just grateful that they found me when they did because not only did they save my life, but they changed the course of it forever. My name is Camille Waters and a lot has changed since 1977. On the surface I appear as an ordinary southern woman in her 50's, sitting on a porch swing sipping sweet tea or reading trashy romance novels down by the pier. But much like a fairytale, nothing is ever what it seems. The year is 2014 and I’m not that same woman anymore. Now I work for an underground society of women with one purpose- to right the wrongs of society where the justice system has failed. If someone in the neighborhood was having a problem, we'd find a way to introduce ourselves, let her know that she wasn’t alone. Some folks think we ought to just mind our own business and let the authorities do their job. Well guess what? We did that already. Women have been sitting in silence for centuries, and it sure as hell didn’t get us anywhere. Men beat their wives, girls get date raped, family members molest their young and the burden of proof lies on the shoulders of the victims, every time. Statistics show that women are more likely to leave a bad situation if they have a strong support group to turn too and that’s exactly what we strive to provide. Life is hard enough without having to constantly watch good people get hurt. Some call us modern day Iron Jawed Angels, others call us extremists, but we like to call ourselves, The Butterflies. It’s time for a change, time to wake-up and smell the revolution; time for us to close the door on the old way of doing things; time to find a system that works for everyone involved. It’s time for the Butterflies Wake.”- Camille Waters

About the Author:

Within the past year, Lagos has published a Young Adult Science-Fiction Fantasy series called Beyond Earth Series made up of three books, “Beyond Earth”, “Beyond Planets” and “Beyond Time”. She also has had 12 of her short stories published this past year in three separate anthologies called “Giant Tales Beyond The Mystic Doors”, “Giant Tales From The Misty Swamp” and “Giant Tales: Down in the World of Pirates”. Her latest novel is, “Butterflies Wake”. Lagos resides in Massachusetts with her husband and her daughter.

Amazon Author Page | Facebook | Twitter | GoodReads | Blog

Giveaway Details:

There is an International tour wide giveaway. Prizes include the following:

• $10 Amazon Gift Card
• 5 eBook copies of Butterflies Wake
• 10 Flashlight Butterflies Wake Keychains
• 10 Butterflies Wake Keychains

a Rafflecopter giveaway

In From The Cold by Rose Robbins

WHAT IF THE MAN YOU LOVED WAS TRYING TO DESTROY YOU? 

Tess Brancyk is a young mother of two who seems to have an idyllic life. But hidden within her family is a secret that threatens to destroy everything she holds dear. Is Tess losing her grip on reality, or could her husband Mark be manipulating everything around her for his own dark purpose? Fear and lies become a way of life until finally, she must tear her family apart in order to survive. 

But what if "the worst that could happen" is the beginning of a journey into true love and happiness? In the process, Tess must question her judgment, her beliefs and her very identity. In From the Cold is an honest and moving story of hope and self-discovery.

Kindle | Paperback

Rose Robbins is an author and musician from the Pacific Northwest. She has written three non-fiction books and heads a mentoring program for women who have escaped abusive relationships. Ms. Robbins has a perfectly nice office, but finds her work flourishes in noisy coffee shops. She is married and has a large family. 

Website | Facebook | Amazon Author Page

Passion with a Purpose by Erin Cawood: thoughts on violence in literature

Last summer, Erin Cawood and I started talking about violence in our fiction, and particularly domestic violence in women's fiction, chick lit or even romance.  We both write about violence, to varying degrees, in our work, and we both grappled with what our responsibility is as writers when we touch it.

Honestly, I can't tell you why it came up.  It may have started with Fifty Shades of Grey, but then there was a mass shooting in Colorado, a local politician arrested for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, another shooting in Connecticut, a horrific gang rape in India and the hundreds- thousands, millions- of things that have happened before, between and after.  It almost makes you wonder how you can get away with not touching it in some way.

I'll let Erin take over now...

--

Power struggles and control are becoming more and more prominent in fiction. You just have to look at bestsellers of the twenty-first century such as Harry Potter and Twilight to see the common theme. But what happens when relationship power struggles start upping the ante?

Yes, Mr Not-So-Perfect-Grey from the Fifty Shades Trilogy was all hot and steamy, but he was crazily controlling and turned on by the idea of physical punishment. And the theme of sexual violence against women in Stieg Larsson’s The Millennium Trilogy was inspired by his hatred of violence against women after he witnessed a gang rape at fifteen. So is it okay to say ‘don’t worry its only fiction’?

Well, actually... no, it isn't.

Erin Cawood

It is continually drummed into us that we learn from our media influences and like many teenage girls I discovered love and romance in the pages of a novel. Of course I’m not saying that one character will be responsible for bringing down girl power. But when it comes to issues like sexual control and violence against women in fiction as a writer you have to maintain reality, especially in romance.

I write contemporary romance / women’s fiction / romantic-comedies. I hate the term ‘Chick-lit’ but yeah, there’s a bit of the bubbly, hearts and flowers, boy meets girl malarkey going on here. My genre is stereotyped as fluffy and frequently dismissed as idealistic and only for entertainment. But my characters are real women. When you join my character’s world, they already have a life. Like any new friend, they’ll tell you all about how they got to be the person they are as you travel towards their new destiny. When you part you won’t necessarily get a happy ever after because I’m afraid... we all don’t live happily ever after.

I’m currently working on a darker series where one of the key themes is domestic violence. (Deb's note: The first book is already out.)  Spousal abuse doesn't just affect the married couple, however their marriage pans out. It affects their children, their siblings, their parents, their friends, their colleagues ... It has a ripple effect throughout the people within their lives.  There’s a lot more behind just one person’s lashing out and the other’s reluctance to leave when they’re at risk.

The most important thing we must remember is domestic violence and violence against women is not a class, race, religious, cultural, or geographical issue. It happens every minute of every day in every city in every country in every part of the world. So if we’re going to write about real issues, let’s keep the reality of them in view. Let’s not write something spectacularly entertaining and then dismiss the important issues it raises. If Romance novels can teach us unrealistic expectations of how love is supposed to be then why shouldn't they also teach us how relationships are NOT supposed to be?

Erin Cawood recently published Tainted Love, the first book in her series, Valentina Secrets.  

A little romance

A few days ago, I read a review at Dear Author of what may have been the first official "romance", "The Flame and the Flower". Go take a minute and read the review- I'll wait.

Done? Okay now: oh my God! Whoa! Joan/Sarah F. lays out some writing issues that, I'm sure, were painful to get through. Good for her, because I'm too focused on the plot. Wow. I know I think nothing is more romantic than starting off a relationship with some sexual violence. And I love that this happened to a teenager. This is exactly how I want my girls to start off their lives as adults. (Living off slave labor? Sounds downright idyllic.)

Don't get me wrong. I know there are people who genuinely enjoy bondage, dominance and sadomasochism. But the difference, to my mind, between that and what's going on here is that this character doesn't seem to be aroused by it. It sounds like she tried to flee being raped twice, and was only once successful. She ends up back with her rapist only because she's pregnant, not because she enjoyed it... because it was rape.

If this is indeed the book that birthed the romance genre, I understand why it has such a bad reputation. Still, as someone who wrote something that could be classified as romance, it stings a little to read this comment on Thea Atkinson's blog. I take hits on a regular basis for my feminism- in 2011!- so to know that I am walking into something that could make people think I have retro-femme ideas about how women should conduct themselves in the world makes my heart ache.

I know I'm not the only person with this sensitivity. At the end of 2010, I read "I Think I Love You" by Allison Pearson. I was assured that this was historical fiction, and it sort of was. It centered on a young Welsh-German girl whose life revolved around David Cassidy in the early 70s and who attended his ill-fated concert in England where many were injured and a few died. Fast forward a few decades, and we see our heroine grasp at a chance to meet Cassidy at last.

Historical fiction? Um, maybe, but I would actually think it was more "women's fiction" at this point. But there's more! At the end of the story, the main character ends up with the "second lead", and we know that they go on to have the HEA (Happily Ever After) that's one of the essentials in any romance. Their romance- yes, romance- is also loosely modeled on a certain fairy tale that authors have been using as a template for romance for at least four decades. "Women's fiction" might still be the best categorization, but someone could make a good argument for putting it in "romance".

This wasn't the only thing I read in the last twelve months that was more romantic than I thought it would be based on the editorial reviews- or even the genre it was marketed in; "Blindspot" and even "People of the Book" come to mind. Most of them were good books that I didn't mind reading after I discovered this, but I have to wonder why the publishers hid that, especially when, at least the last time I checked, romances were still selling best out of all genres, especially in e-books. These stories have genuine crossover appeal, and denying that serves to cheapen the genre and perpetuate the notion that romance or any story with romantic elements is ultimately inconsequential and can't carry a deeper theme.

I bet you're thinking my next move will be to outline my plot and defend my main character, but what's bugging me isn't what I like to write but what I like to read. I... like to read romance that doesn't insult my intelligence. I don't need to read it exclusively, but I shouldn't have to feel like every romance I read lowers my IQ by a point. *Of course* HEAs are not as clear cut in real life, but in real life baby boys don't usually survive attacks by serial killers with magical powers, vampires and werewolves don't save young girls from a life of mediocrity, historians do not and will not have the power to create a utopian world and, I'm sorry, Middle Earth does not exist. (Sadly, I realize this means there probably aren't dilithium crystals either.)

What I'm asking is this: am I obligated to feel that an amazing story of a group of people unified through different eras of time by the creation and salvation of a holy book was cheapened because the heroine ended up with something that looked like a Happily Ever After with a man whom I grew to respect and admire? Or am I shallow and inconsequential because I still think about some of the scenes in a historical romance and feel moved and even inspired by someone's commitment to a greater ideal- and person- in the face of adversity?

Here's an even better question: Is Vladimir Nabokov really a better inspiration to have than Judith Krantz? Because they both use sex in their stories, right? Only one wrote a riff on someone's destructive obsession with regaining his youth and another wrote about heroines overcoming early adversity to craft successful, independent lives. Nabokov's wasn't a romance though, so he wins, right?

The answer to all of the above is No. However we're moved or inspired, be it magical creatures, a dream of the future or simply an admirable character- fictional or otherwise- we should enjoy it. If we can't do that, then why read at all?